crazy just like you
by Sionnain
Summary: In which Fraser does not understand the concept of "off the clock" or "personal safety", and his Rays do what they do best. F/K/V.


**crazy just like you**

The department store was mostly empty. This was probably because there was a man in the housewares department systematically destroying inanimate objects with a handgun. The gunman hadn't threatened any people; in fact, he'd gotten on the loudspeaker to tell everyone, calmly, that he was about to start shooting, so they should just go ahead and leave the store because he didn't want them to get injured by a stray bullet.

Then he started ranting about his fiancée cheating on him and set about shooting everything on their wedding registry. Ray kind of felt bad for him and, really, he'd intended just to stick around to make sure no one went upstairs and got in his way before the uniforms showed up, but of course Fraser had been determined to talk some sense into the guy and didn't listen to anything Ray said that sounded remotely like, "Maybe you shouldn't go up there" or "Stay down here with me and Kowalski until the back-up I just called for gets here."

It was one of those times Ray wished they'd stayed in; it was snowing outside, enough to make driving miserable (for once, he and Kowalski had argued about who _wasn't_ driving) and Ray had been perfectly happy staying at home and watching the terrible action movie Kowalski had picked up in the discount movie bin called _Cyborg 2_.

Unfortunately, Fraser _liked_ the cold, and Kowalski had a tendency to go stir crazy if he was kept inside too long. And Kowalski was nursing a sprained ankle from a chase a few weeks ago (said chase had not involved Fraser, and therefore Kowalski had hurt himself through the completely mundane combination of not wearing his glasses and a curb), so he was most definitely feeling cooped up and wanting to get out. Which was really the only reason Ray could think of why Kowalski wanted to go to the _mall_, of all places. He said it was because he wanted to walk around and people walked really slowly at the mall, so he could keep up. Ray decided not to remind Kowalski that he usually bitched about wanting to punch those people in the back of the head.

So there they were, wandering (slowly) around the mall, with Kowalski dragging them into the gadget store that sold things no one needed or could actually afford, and Fraser spending a very long time in the bookstore, clucking over the nature books and muttering under his breath about the inconsistencies in the _Endangered Species of Canada_ book. He tried to explain to Ray what the problem was with the Greater Prairie Chicken, but luckily Kowalski had saved him by waving a book about classic cars from three aisles over.

The book was about Mustangs, and Ray had given Kowalski a strange look--_Mustangs?_--but Kowalski had shrugged and said, "S'better than chickens of the Atlantic, yeah?" and Ray had to stop himself from kissing him in the middle of the aisle.

They were in the department store on their way to the car when the announcement came over the loudspeaker about the gunman. Ray sighed and looked over at Kowalski, who rolled his eyes. They both turned towards Fraser, who was--of course--on his way up the escalator to the housewares department.

So there they were, Ray and Kowalski, downstairs and watching Fraser heedlessly bounding up the escalator after the gunman, and both of them wishing they'd parked by the food court. "Was he smiling? Because I think he was smiling," Ray said with a sigh, staring up at the ceiling.

"You know Fraser. He gets excited when he gets to save people." Kowalski looked around. "Or, y'know. Household goods. C'mon."

Kowalski looked over at the elevators. His expression was grim. Ray knew why--simple, every day things sometimes took a turn for the bizarre whenever Fraser was involved. It was like some kind of unholy trade-off for his uncanny detective skills. _Sure, my ability to lick things and solve crimes is helpful, as long as you don't mind the fact you may end up clinging to the back of a hot air balloon, trying to stop a one-eyed jewel thief and his evil pet monkey accomplice._

Ray started moving slowly towards the escalators, looking upwards, trying to figure out what was going on. Every time he heard a gunshot, he winced, but his instincts were telling him _this guy doesn't want to hurt anyone, he just wants to smash things. Eventually he'll run out of bullets._ Except that when it was his _boyfriend_ up there with him, Ray's usual calmly-calculated police instincts were sort of pushed aside by the _I will tear your head off if you hurt him_ ones.

He paused to wait for Kowalski, who scowled and said, "I can't run, but I can walk much faster than _this_. Hurry up."

God save him from Kowalski's sudden attack of inadequacy. "I'm trying not to scare the _guy with the gun_, Stanley, c'mon. You know how this works." Ray waved to the escalator. "We go up, we assess the situation, we decide what we gotta do before back-up gets here."

"All I know, Vecchio? Fraser's up there, with some guy playing shoot-out at the OK Corral."

"Yeah. I know." Ray put his hand on Kowalski's shoulder. Kowalski looked worried, his mouth set and his eyes narrowed. Ray squeezed Kowalski's shoulder briefly. "Don't worry."

"It's _Fraser_," Kowalski reminded him as they stepped on the elevator, and okay, Ray really didn't have much to say to that.

When they arrived on the second floor, Ray heard Fraser's voice and closed his eyes briefly in relief. He was hopeful Fraser could get the gun from the guy before the back-up came; hearing the sirens might push this guy from property-destruction into doing something really stupid.

"...I really do understand," Ray heard, and Fraser sounded so _earnest_. "That must have been very hard for you."

"It _was_," the gunman said, sniffling. "I mean, it was just so...you ever had a woman break your heart, man?"

There was a pause. Ray looked over at Kowalski, who had that stubborn _I am going to go tearing around this corner and kick that bastard in the head_ look on his face, and shook his head before Kowalski did something stupid. He peeked around the corner and saw the gunman sitting on the floor, gun held loosely in his hands, looking defeated. There was broken glass everywhere, a sad-looking waffle-maker lying upended on the floor, and bits of plastic strewn on the linoleum.

Fraser was leaning against the wall, dressed in jeans and a dark-blue sweater that did nice things to his eyes. "Yes. I--yes, I have."

"Was it two months before your wedding?" The gunman looked up at Fraser. He looked young, Ray noticed--not any older than twenty-five, if that.

"Oh, no," Fraser said. "She--it wasn't like that."

"Then you can't know what it's like," the man said, lifting the gun. Ray went tense, but the guy just aimed at a display of wine glasses and took out some with two quick shots.

"Fuck. Guess I'm not going shopping _ever again_ without my gun," Kowalski muttered next to him. "You know--we really should have _known_ something like this might happen."

"Shhh," was all Ray said in answer, but Kowalski was probably right.

"Trust me, Andrew," Fraser said quietly, "It wasn't the same, but it was very bad indeed." Ray winced at the tone in Fraser's voice, which said more than his words ever would. They'd all gotten over Victoria, just like they'd all gotten over Stella, but that didn't mean all was forgotten. Maybe it wasn't a wound anymore, but it was definitely still a scar; thin-edged and faded but still _there_. "She still broke my heart."

Fraser sounded so _sincere_ that Ray winced, and saw Kowalski do the same. He could still remember Kowalski telling him, sharp-eyed and angry, _That bitch better not show up around here ever again._ Kowalski said these things to Ray because he couldn't say them to Fraser. And Ray said, _She wouldn't make it out of Chicago, this time_, because he couldn't say that to Fraser, either.

"And did you ever get over it? Did it ever stop hurting?" The guy, Andrew--trust Fraser to have gotten the guy's name--raised his gun again, pointing.

"Oh, you shouldn't--those kitchen mixers are very expensive, Andrew, and I'm afraid you're incurring quite a costly situation for yourself, here--"

"Just tell me if it stops!" Andrew shouted, waving the gun, and fuck, _fuck_, this was going to give Ray a coronary.

Kowalski made a move like he was going to rush out there, and Ray stopped him with an arm across his chest. "Are you crazy? Kowalski, I can't worry about _two_ of you," he said in a furious whisper. "Let's just trust him here, yeah? Benny's not in danger, but if you go out there, who the hell knows what might happen."

"You saying I'm not good at talking down crazy people?" Kowalski hissed back, but he stilled, reaching out with one hand to curl his fingers around Ray's belt. He paused. "Okay, yeah, I'm not. Just...what is he _doing_? Fraser could disarm that guy, I know he could. I've seem him to do it in seconds to people who actually want to shoot _him_, not blenders and toasters."

Ray gave a shrug. "He's being Benny. This is what he _does_, Kowalski."

"Maybe it doesn't ever _stop_," Fraser was saying, in that breathtakingly honest way he had that he should really, really stop doing until his timing improved. "But Andrew, heartbreak is part of the human experience--"

"Oh, fuck, find something we can use as a weapon, we're gonna have to take that guy out if Fraser keeps talking," Kowalski said with a wince, pulling Ray closer and pressing his face against his shoulder. "Can't he just say, _Yeah, that girl sounds like a bitch, why don't you give me that gun?_"

Andrew's infuriated shout cut off any reply Ray might have made to that. "But I don't--I loved her! And she left me! That's not--that's not human, that's--that's just terrible and she--she left me for my best friend! We're supposed to get married in two months, and she _left me_!"

"I'm very sorry for your heartache, Andrew, believe me--I know how hopeless it seems right now. I know that you are using the symbolism of destroying your wedding registry gifts to exorcise the pain you're feeling at her betrayal--"

"Jesus, Benny," Ray muttered, rubbing his free hand over the back of his scalp. His other hand was resting lightly on Kowalski's back. Kowalski, for all his tough-guy posturing and amazing ability to throw himself into danger without actually taking the time to _think_ about it first, actually hated horror movies and hid his face during the scary parts. He was obviously viewing this entire scenario as a scene right out of _The Shining_.

He wasn't wrong, actually. There were no elevators-full-of-blood, but it was pretty horrifying.

"--but what you have to understand," Fraser continued, "Is that sometimes people leave, but someone _else_ comes along to fill up all the places you thought would be empty forever. Sometimes, if you're extraordinarily lucky, it's _two_ someones." He turned, then, his eyes darting over to where Ray and Kowalski were standing hidden behind shelves piled high with bathroom towels, as if he knew exactly where they were.

Which, knowing Fraser, he probably did, based on the way the air currents moved or something equally fantastic. And Ray--well, this was a stressful situation (and where the hell _were_ the uniforms, anyway?)--but he couldn't help it, Fraser's words made him grin. Kowalski, who'd lifted his head but was still holding onto Ray's belt, was smiling too.

Clearly, they were all deranged.

"You mean, I should be glad she left?" Andrew was staring in disbelief at Fraser. "No way, man. No way. She was--she was the best. You know? We had this connection, and I'm--I'm never going to have that again. She was the best woman in the whole world, and she just...left me. She left me for someone else, because I was not good enough and that's it, I'm never going to find anyone as good as her--"

"She did have extra-marital relations with your best friend," Fraser pointed out, and okay, there was that bad-timing-with-the-honesty thing again.

"I gave her my heart!" Andrew was really starting to annoy Ray with the theatrics--and considering he was in love with Kowalski, that took some effort. "I gave her everything I had."

"And I think maybe she didn't deserve it." Fraser went down next to the man, who looked sweaty and wild-eyed enough that Ray was starting to get worried that inanimate objects were no longer going to suffice as targets. "Did you ever think maybe it wasn't you that wasn't good enough, but her?" Fraser's voice was infinitely patient, gentle, and when he placed a hand on the young man's shoulder, Andrew just started crying and buried his face in his hands, his gun lying forgotten on the ground next to him.

When he saw that, Ray felt a curious mixture of relief, affection and annoyance. "I don't know if I want to tackle him or kiss him," Ray said to Kowalski, who just shrugged.

"I feel that way about Fraser a lot. And you too, come to think of it." Kowalski grinned, all sharp and bright, and Ray punched him in the arm.

"C'mon. Let's go get that gun and make sure the suspect doesn't try and run away before he decides to shoot up the women's lingerie section." Ray and Kowalski made their way over to where Fraser was standing, and Ray resisted the urge to hug him by picking up the gun and getting it far, far away from the suspect. The three of them worked quickly, easily--Kowalski keeping a trained eye on all the possible exits while Ray kept an eye on the gun and Fraser kept an eye on Andrew.

The whine of a siren was followed quickly by shouts of "Chicago PD!" which meant it was over--the only thing broken was one guy's heart and a lot of overpriced dishware.

Not too bad, considering.

On the way home, Ray let Kowalski yell at Fraser. Usually they took turns doing this, but Ray was tired and the snow was coming down harder than ever, and he'd lost the coin toss so they'd taken the Riv to the mall.

"--and another thing, Fraser, you could have taken that guy--I _know_ you could have taken him, he weighed less than _me_, and--"

"I know that, Ray," Fraser said tiredly. "But he wasn't a danger to anyone--"

"Not unless you were a kitchen appliance," Ray added, snorting.

Kowalski glared at him from the passenger side. "Not. Helping. That guy had a _gun_, Fraser, and--"

"Ray, I was perfectly safe. Besides, as you said, if he had gotten violent I could have--"

"--gotten _killed_--"

"Ray." Fraser leaned forward. "All he wanted was a sympathetic ear. That's it. Someone to talk to. I simply gave him that, and I knew he wouldn't harm me. After all, he _did_ warn all the shoppers to get out of the store, didn't he?"

"Fraser, you can get a sympathetic ear lotsa places. That's why God invented bars, y'know. This guy wanted to shoot some stuff." Kowalski twisted in his seat to glare at Fraser. "Could've been you."

"Ray, we're officers of the law. People shoot at us all the time," Fraser pointed out reasonably.

"Yeah, so can we just save it for working hours?" Kowalski made an irritated sound. "Should've just stayed with us and made sure no one went up there until back-up showed."

"I had to make sure no one was up there with him," Fraser said defensively.

"Aha!" Kowalski pointed at him. "So you _agree_ there was danger--"

"Did you mean it?" Ray asked, interrupting Kowalski, meeting Fraser's eyes in the rear-view mirror.

Fraser frowned. "Of course, Ray. The children's section is upstairs, what if some poor child was separated from their parent? They would have been terrified when the shooting started."

"No." Ray slowly brought the car to a halt at a yellow light. He hated winter weather, it meant driving _way_ too slowly and obeying traffic rules that Ray tended to view more as _suggestions_. "Did you mean what you said about--people leaving. And how they're supposed to...y'know. Leave. So that better people can come along." Ray stared at the tail-lights of the car in front of him, thinking about Fraser running after Victoria Metcalf's train. He wondered sometimes if Fraser wished he'd gone with her. Which, okay, he didn't _think_ so--this thing with the three of them, it was weird but it _worked_--but Ray hadn't actually ever asked.

There was silence in the car for a few moments before Fraser spoke. "Of course, Ray," he said, in the same tone he said things like, _of course I love Canada_ and _I really wish you would both eat something with vegetables that didn't involve breading or cheese_. The same certainty in his voice when he'd said _I was perfectly safe_. Like it was nothing more than the truth.

"We're only mad because we love you," Kowalski added, fiddling with the radio. "Right, Vecchio?" His head was ducked, staring at the panel, but Ray could see Kowalski's pleased smile.

"Right. Stop messing with the stations, Kowalski, or I swear to God, you are walking home. You know I hate it when you do that--"

"Oh, stop being a baby, you're just mad that you had to drive--"

"You could have let _me_ drive," Fraser said a bit huffily. "It appears as if my particular driving style is best suited to this type of weather."

Kowalski met Ray's eyes. "Nah, your particular style of driving is best suited to being exactly where you are, Frase." Kowalski's smile turned into a smirk, and he looked hopefully at Ray.

"The back seat," Ray said without missing a beat, and they both laughed. And that was the end of it, though Ray was pretty sure they'd get home and Fraser would jump them both, because while this maybe wasn't the most action-packed incident they'd all lived through--adrenaline and law-enforcement certainly did something to the guy. Something he and Kowalski benefited from, at that.

So maybe it wasn't a completely wasted evening, after all. Sure as hell beat _Cyborg 2_.


End file.
